Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Limiting And Empowering Beliefs - #Breakthrough 5

This was last week's Breakthrough session but I got a bit bogged down with it (and then it was Purim).

I'll explain. The session was about the ways in which we limit ourselves and thereby limit our lives. We are so sure of what we can't do and what can't possibly be, that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When I tried to do the homework an interesting thing happened.

The homework was in two parts. Part one was to write down all my strengths, capabilities, and all my successes. No problem. I know what I'm capable of but success in this big wide world mostly depends on other people playing along - that's where the doubts set in. I mean, I know I can write that great novel but someone has to agree to publish it right? I know I can teach another couple of courses at my college but they need to give me the hours. I know I could write great publicity posts for Filofax and Eilat hotels but they need to agree to collaborate with me.

OK, enough of that because the limitation comes when you don't knock on the doors, send the emails, do the diet, write the book, in the first place. If you are ready with the best product at the right time and you send enough emails, you'll eventually nail it. If you worry about if its worth starting you'll never have anything to sell.

Part two was to write a detailed description of the life you want to be living. I cannot tell you how hard this was. Every time I thought of something that I'd like I damped it down to be realistic in my limited way. For example, I kept writing about earning enough money to live comfortably in the way we live now. I can write anything I want so why write that I want to go on a real holiday once a year when I could write that we can go anywhere we want whenever we want - we're that rich. Why write about minor improvements to my apartment, a new sofa and new windows? Why not write that we buy a fantastic new place to live with a proper garden or a bigger balcony?

Some of it is the Maeve Binchy Syndrome. I love Maeve Binchy. Simple feel-good books in which someone has a good idea for a business. They work hard, all the neighbours come together to help babysit and offer their relevant skills for free, and a few pages later they're successful, rich, and famous. This is also known as 'suspended disbelief' or the 'pinch of salt effect'. But could there be something in it?

I think it was Marisa Peer (not Miri Sapir as Israelis often mishear- a normal Israeli name) who said that if you ask for enough money to get by you'll get just that - enough money to get by. In other words you get what you ask for. Or rather you get what you aim for.

So why why why is it so hard not be so darn 'realistic'?

I'm still working on writing the life I want to be living. It's not all about money. It's also about health, happiness, and balance, I enjoy having time to potter. Pottering doesn't make money. But I'd prefer to have the time to potter than to be earning a fantastic amount of money and have no time in which to enjoy it.

One particular thing that Devorah said in this week's podcast that resonated with me is: Imagine if you had a an enormous amount of money in the bank or from passive income, so that you didn't have to go to work. Your children are grown up and you have no commitments on your time. What would do with your life? The thing you come up with when all obstacles are wiped out of the picture, is probably your life's calling.


  1. Great post. I relate to your question, why is it hard to not be realistic? Bills to pay, children to put through college, elder parents... but dreaming of how to put our own lives into a view that fits just us means we've put our self first. That first, is the hard thing for many women, many men, many parents and caregivers.

    1. You are so right. I'm still stuck on this assignment but I'm going to give it another go this weekend. Thanks for your comment.