Sunday, March 9, 2014

Chosen Poverty

Following my post last week about not being frugal for frugal's sake, and I thank all of you who wrote lovely supportive comments which were much appreciated, another issue came up which I want to address.

Whilst I write about trying to save every penny in any which way I can and how I cannot afford many of the things I used to take for granted, my kind of 'poverty' is not real poverty. Real poverty is when you have nothing, you have no money for food or fuel, you live in less than desirable housing conditions, your children are suffering, and you can see no way out of these circumstances. Thank God none of this applies to me.

My circumstances are at worst, sustainable, and at best, temporary. There are a number of very good reasons to choose a temporary poverty. I would even recommend it if quality of life is more important to you than standard of living.

1. A well paying job might take up all your time and you prefer to be flexible while your children are young so that you can be available for school events, volunteering, cooking healthy meals, home-making, helping others, or if the children need a sick day.

2. The logistical organisation and stress that might go with a high-powered career is not worth the money to you and your family.

3. You prefer to be happy finding lesser paid work than to be unhappy in a strict rule-laden work environment. Life's not always all about amassing the most wealth in financial terms. Sometimes it is of course, but at other times you may owe it to your children and/or partner to have a happy parent and/or partner.

4. It may be that a few years of financial struggle while you find and set up alternative sources of income are ultimately worth the investment.

5. Sometimes after a massive effort to put yourself in a good place such as buying a home, paying off debt, finishing a course of study, or paying for IVF, you need to stop peddling so hard for a while and just appreciate how far you've come. Maybe you are gathering your strength for the next big project or maybe you're done. Whichever it is, if you can't take some time to enjoy the fruits of your labour then what's the point of it all?

6. Even if you have a sufficient income, you might strive to live on as little as possible day to day as this allows you to save for expensive things that are more important to you. This may be travel, education, your house, or even amassing a good pension. Each to his own. As one very supportive comment on my last post said: it's about using what you have in a way that best works for you. It's about satisfying your wants as well as your needs without going into debt.

There have been a few worrying moments over the past five years. Realizing that the good income I had prior to motherhood was no longer viable with the time available as a single mother was big shock. I've had to rethink my whole work situation and at times I struggled with it. Only last year I thought I'd have to sell my apartment and downgrade as I couldn't afford to live here. This too passed and we got through it somehow albeit with a lot of tears and sleepless nights.

Now my daughter is 5 and everything is easier. Opportunities are opening up that were impossible to consider with a baby or a toddler. I am no longer struggling or stressed out about it. I am juggling, budgeting, and planning but this empowers me rather than oppresses me. It's a challenge for sure but I'm thriving on it.

Bottom line - I don't plead poverty (anymore), I choose frugality as a tool towards a happy and successful life. I celebrate that I have the choice.


24 comments:

  1. As long as you have only one child, frugality works, when unseen circumstances, illness of a family member and a number of children are involved, the mission is compounded with stress. More support for the family, means better childhoods and futures. Especially ecological education, rather than frugality for it's sake alone. #Endecocide.

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  2. You are right Anne. Of course I can only speak for my own only-child situation.

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  3. You sound so so upbeat and so inspiring! Go you! You say so so many things in this post that resonate with me very deeply. You are one wise woman, which I find myself OFTEN saying to you. Your daughter is very lucky to have you x

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    1. Thanks Liska. I love it when a post 'speaks' to someone. :)

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  4. I'm sure that as people get older, more and more of them appreciate the value of time over money. And time spent with loved ones is probably the most valuable of all - I don't think you will ever regret the choices that you have made xx

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    1. I agree. I'm amazed how much my priorities have changed even over the last few years.

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  5. yup I have to be frugal as now on my lowest salary ever as an adult! may get worse next year if I get accepted as a trainee teacher..

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    1. But if you train as a teacher it will be an investment. The challenging year or two that it takes you will set you up for a secure job for the rest of your working life. Good luck.

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  6. It is terribly hard being a single mother. You do enormously and well and have much to be proud of. I'm so glad you got through that particularly rough time - I have the same sense of options opening now my youngest has started school - it's what we do with them now that matters and we will always be grateful for that time we chose to have with our children. Good luck! I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever something wonderful will occur x

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    1. I remember your post about your little one starting school and the work options you now have. It made a big impression on me as I was at a similar point in life. And Amen to something wonderful - for all of us.

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  7. I so agree with you, Midlife Singlemum. It's about priorities. For us (2 - parent, 4-children family) it was important to be with our kids as much as possible. We both worked outside the home but neither full-time or overtime. We live in the periphery which meant affordable apartment. We buy clothes in sales. We never bought half litre bottles of drinks at exorbitant prices if we took the kids out for a pizza or shwarma etc. We don't waste water, electricity and we compare prices for insurance, etc. We don't buy what we don't need or really want. We don't impulse buy. People waste so much money because they don't think about alternatives. We don't feel in the least bit deprived, we feel clever ;)

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    1. Leonie, it is clever. No one will look back on their childhood and say, 'I drank 10,000 small bottles of coca cola as a kid.' I'm being funny but the point is that no one misses the silly little things we didn't buy. It's the big things that matter, like family time. Thanks for commenting.

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  8. excellent advice and sentiment. No one gets to the end of their life and says oh I wished I worked more and had more stuff. You've done a fantastic job thus far and have no doubt you'll continue to do so x

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    1. LOL, sometimes and look at all the stuff I have and wonder, why did I think I needed all of this? This is especially true of collections.

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  9. Sounds like you've made all the right choices for your life with your daughter. Each to their own as you say and I too am glad that I was lucky enough to be able to take time out from (and eventually leave) my job so that I could give my child the attention he needed. I'm glad you could make work changes that worked for you. This can only get easier, I would hope, as your daughter gets older :-) xx Jazzy

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    1. We're certainly getting there in a way that I couldn't imagine a couple of years ago. Every age definitely does get easier.

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  10. What a wonderful post and so inspiring and positive.... I guess it's all relative, and it's amazing the capacity we have for survival, for adapting to the changes around us (not so simple for those who have nothing. I really admire your strength, and the passion you have for your current lifestyle... frugality gives you so much freedom, and space for choices - time is so precious. You are a wonderful mum. X

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  11. What a great and empowering post Rachel. I completely agree with you and feel it is right to choose the life that suits you and not to be governed by money or other peoples expectations. Mich x

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    1. Other people's expectations can be tricky, especially as they are not usually unreasonable - a night out, meet for lunch... Sometimes I have to compromise.

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  12. Thanks for the uplifting advice, really an inspiration. Love xxx

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  13. Thanks for the uplifting advice, really an inspiration. Love xxx

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    1. Thank you and thank you for your lovely comment.

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